An apology and response

Two weeks ago, an article I submitted to the Dakota Student entitled "One Night Standing: The Method" was published and sent out across campus. The article, in my mind, was a satirical piece attempting to get predatory men across our University to take a long, hard look at themselves and their behavior.

However, I realize now that this issue is too serious to use in satire - too serious to be treated so lightly in any way whatsoever.

I was wrong to think that humor could be used to look at a problem that is so visceral and prevalent in universities. In the article - no matter how each individual received it - I did not take into account the fact that many women have dealt with situations incredibly similar to the one I presented. I did not consider that in writing a satirical piece on such a personal issue, I was taking my position as a man for granted, ignoring the fact that such humorous overtones allow men who may think like the satirical character created to feel okay with their behavior, or to joke about deep sexual issues. The approach I took (I now know) did not address the issue in a way that could help; it only propagated the intense and still-existent rape/predatory culture that pervades our society.

For this, I am truly sorry, and I apologize to all readers of the Dakota Student. It was a gross mistake on my part to submit the piece.

In all of this, though, there is a blessing of sorts: I now have the opportunity to write about the issues I wanted to originally discuss in a serious arena with a larger audience than previously available. I can address the problem of the predatory-sexual mindset that some men have without hiding behind a character or beating around the bush (things I shouldn't have done in the first place).

Guys, males, men: you are in an incredible position to prevent violence against women, especially sexual violence. Date-rape is more common than you probably think, and oftentimes women do not come forward regarding their experiences with it. Why? Because some of us - some men - still scoff at women who have undergone traumatic experiences, placing blame where it shouldn't be placed. It is a terrible state of affairs. Why do some men think that it is okay to prey upon women as if they were trophies of "conquests" of sorts? Why is there a way of thinking today that this deplorable behavior is okay, that it should be tolerated, or that it is even up for debate?

The answer seems to come down to this: men rarely have to fear sexual abuse or violence. It is much more common for men to abuse women than for a person of any sex to abuse a man. We men really don't have to consider taking self-defense classes or bringing friends with to parties to watch our backs because for us the threat is often just not there. To quote "Emily," an online commenter: "Perhaps because of this privilege, the subject of rape doesn't feel so off limits to some men. It's that thing that happens on Lifetime. And rapists never look like them, or their friends - but monsters who hide in dark alleyways."

Rapists aren't monsters in dark alleyways, true; they are the person walking across the street, that guy in Spanish class, the man you saw fist-pumping at a party last week. And these men aren't born rapists, monsters within waiting to pounce out. No, they are created by the notion that it is okay to view women as nothing more than an achievement, a challenge, or an object to be used during a one-night stand. Rape is the logical conclusion of this mode of thinking. When a man begins to view sex simply as an arena in which to attain power - to get pats-on-the-back or a personal feeling of accomplishment - the proverbial seed has already sprouted. Rape is a showing of power, a grasping for control over somebody. When a man dehumanizes a woman in his own mind, he is already crossing the line.

This problem stems directly from a failure to point out this attitude in other men. I failed to do so in my latest article - my greatest fear is that some predatory man out there read it and felt okay to continue his behavior - but I hope this clarifies just how big the problem is. Males, we often take it for granted that we live in a society where it is not only considered by some "okay" to view women merely as objects for sexual gratification, but promoted. In all this, the best way to stop the problem is to support and encourage your female friends to come forward with any accounts of rape they have experienced, and to call out your male friends on their prejudices. Prejudices, after all, are often unperceived by those who have them.

I was called out on my last article. It was tough, it sucked, but I'm glad it happened. I respect everyone who called me out for doing so. Realizing one's misguided attitudes is eye-opening, and it only helps. But this issue is bigger than me, much bigger.

This isn't about getting my point across; this article is about getting you, all of you, to get the point across to all of your friends and acquaintances. Violence against women can eventually be stopped, but it has to come from a willingness to think differently, to open a discussion, and ultimately, to change.