The idiot's guide to the idiot's facebook profile

The emergence of social networking sites such as Facebook and Myspace have given our generation a direct way of expressing itself.

We do not have to beat around the bush to say we hate the man by wearing a Bob Dylan shirt or burn patchouli oil in our rooms to passive aggressively rebel against our parents.

We can present our quirks and idiosyncrasies in an effortless, straightforward way-through our Internet profiles. This has led to a trend explosion in which people attempt to portray themselves in a certain way through subtle stylistics and wording.

These sites have been around long enough now that we are able to easily recognize the different stereotypes. It's like a high school cafeteria, only virtual.

The most obvious and annoying character in our website world is the avant-garde Facebook hipster.

This is the person that has meticulously scrutinized every detail of their "about me" section to make it appear fashionably disheveled, very much in the same manner that emo guys fix their hair.

You will never find capitalization in their sentences, but you will definitely find fragmentation and an overzealous use of punctuation. because their sentences-cannot be pigeonholed. like their minds. too unique, for, proper capitalization. and sentence mechanics.

Their "political views" will proceed to be a ridiculously long and made up category (because they, again, cannot be placed into a generic group such as "republican" or "democrat") like neo-eco-progressive-humanistic-libertarian.

This is only given more depth with their corresponding "religious views," which is most likely going to be a quote from Buddha they got out of their "Eastern Religions for Dummies" book from Barnes and Noble.

Fugazi and Radiohead will most definitely be in their "favorite music" section (even though we all know they sing along to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" in private), and their list of favorite books will read to be impressively long. This is then topped off with their profile picture, which will presumably be an obviously planned but seemingly random picture of them walking with their back to the camera while holding a book of poetry. What a beautifully organic moment caught on film. On the other side of the spectrum, we have the unapologetic party girl or guy.

There will be no political views stated-not due to their desire to keep those matters private, but because an actual static signal goes through their brain when they hear the words "political views."

The "favorite TV shows" section will be the general compilation of every reality show known to man, along with "Jackass" and "Manswers" for the guys.

The only time the "favorite books" section will be filled out is if they decided to put "Tuesdays with Morrie" (the book they were assigned to read freshman year of high school and got through a good quarter of), or you may find the simple declaration, "DOES COSMO COUNT!?"

The "about me" section is always quite ironic, because it usually means the opposite of what is stated.

For example, their claim that "i just like to have a good time and i h8 drama i just luv my best friends cuz my girlz are always there for me and I would do ne thing for 'em" actually means, "I thrive off of drama."

"My best friend of today will not be my best friend tomorrow, most likely because I made out with her boyfriend last night after I dropped her off."

But they are not total fibbers; you can definitely believe them when they say "I love to drink and get wasted and dance!" Look for girl on girl make out pictures on the ladies' profiles, and the four hundredth keg stand picture on the gentlemen's.

We have all seen these types of profiles and know these types of people. There is of course nothing wrong with watching "Rock of Love" as a guilty pleasure now and then or thoroughly enjoying a vapid book titled "Hinduism for Beginners"-I will not be so pretentious (or dishonest) to say it's not satisfying now and then.

It is the total assemblage of these characteristics and consistency of these actions that creates the stereotype, and any discerning eye can easily spot them via their profiles.